


One of Those Days

by WritingIsMyCoffee



Series: The Moon Base Mixtape Comission [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sorry this is so angsty??? It wasn't supposed to be, The TBH are mentioned, The boys are OK don't worry, in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 18:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10770264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingIsMyCoffee/pseuds/WritingIsMyCoffee
Summary: There's no way Johann can simply mark on his calendar which days he's going to feel lousy and which days' he's not.Sometimes, he just has bad days.





	One of Those Days

**Author's Note:**

> ((Read the tags please. I know we all love Johavi but stay safe))
> 
> So I have an MP100 fic I haven't updated in a month (oops) but I wanted to write another fic about these good, good boys because the world needs more Johavi content. I'm sorry it gets real angsty. Originally they were just going to go to Brandybuck and have a good time? but I didn't like how it was playing out as a wrote it so this happened instead. Oh well.
> 
> This takes place in between chapters 9 and 10 of Moon Base Mixtape: Volume II but you don't need to read that to understand what's going on here. You can if you want, though!

Life on the moon base is, for the most part, mundane.

The sun rises and falls at the same time it does when orbiting the planet below them, there are always three meals a day, and people go around doing their jobs like any employed person would. Business owners run their shops, engineers inspect the base and improve it if necessary, and regulators and reclaimers alike train for their next mission. At the end of the day, friends take the time to catch up, those who are weary retire until they face the next day, and lovers find every opportunity to spend more time in each others company.

Lately, Avi’s shift change has kept him working countless hours of overtime. Apparently the close the midsummer season comes, the more people want to go planetside for a bit. What used to be getting off at five or six at the latest has changed to ten to eleven at night. Sometimes, if he’s really unlucky, one in the morning. It’s blatantly obvious that the two weeks of such a flimsy schedule has taken its toll on him.

Because of this, Johann has changed his own after-work schedule to conform to Avi’s. Once his shift ends, he goes straight from the Voidfish’s Chambers to his dorm room to drop off his stuff before backtracking to the cannonball conveyance system. Trading in a few hours of his free time to hang out with the man he’s fallen head-over-heels for is an exchange he is more than willing to make.

This routine plays out for several days and Avi’s attitude has completely shifted. Instead of leaving work agitated and drop-dead exhausted, he leaves work content and drop-dead exhausted. It may not seem like that big of a difference but Johann knows it means the world to Avi everytime he shows up.

But the stress and fatigue eventually catches up to him.

“I’m seriously considering quitting,” Avi mumbles one day. He nurses his flask in between his calloused hands even though it ran dry a few sips ago. “This shit is tearing me apart.”

“You know they don’t let you quit, right?” Johann reminds him. “The best they can do for you is letting you fake your death. Unless you’re considering going rogue?”

“I might if I have to.” Avi runs a hand through his greased-ridden hair and over his bloodshot eyes. “I’ve had this raging headache for days now and no amount of alcohol seems to be able to fix it.”

Johann bites his lip. “Maybe you could benefit from seeking out a cleric?”

“Yeah maybe.” Avi leans his head back against the cannonball they’re both sitting next to. “But they can’t fix everything...I need a break.”

“Well, your shift's almost over. Just hang in for another hour and we’ll bolt.”

“No, no that’s not what I’m saying.” Avi sits up, his flask nearly falling out of his hand. “I need a _break_ . Like a break from work. From all of this crap. I need to get off this damn moon and go somewhere, _anywhere_. Just some place not here.”

“Av, the THB are setting off for their next mission in just a little over a week,” Johann reminds him. “They’re gonna want ya right here.”

“The bozo who dropped his shift on my shoulders can make up for my absence,” Avi protests. “You in or not?”

Johann blinks. “Huh?”

“Are you coming with me planetside or what?”

“What? Planet-wait, Avi, slow down.” Johann sits up. “You’re drunk and tired. You don’t even have any idea where you're gonna go-”

“-Where _we’re_ going to go.”

Johann ignores the heat creeping up into his cheeks. “Do you even have any vacation days built up?”

“Several. Plus a dozen or so IOU’s I can cash in,” Avi grins drunkenly. “So are in or not?”

Johann curls his hands into fists, his fingernails digging into his skin. _Of course_ he wants to go. To spend a whole week down on the surface with his boyfriend? You don’t even need to ask him whether he’s up for it. But the whole Bureau is in crunch mode right now. Apparently wherever the Tres Horny Boys are going next, it’s a pretty big deal. Can the two of them really afford to hit the road and take a breather when everyone is in panic mode?

But the dark circles under Avi’s eyes are blacker than the dirt underneath his nails and the cup of coffee he drinks in the morning. Drinking an entire flask of brandy or whiskey or whatever certainly can’t be good for his liver. It hurts Johann to slowly watch him slip into insomnia-induced madness.

Johann takes a deep breath and releases it as he speaks. “Okay, I’m in. But I expect a location by tomorrow morning before we climb in one of these glass balls.”

Avi breaks into a massive smile and Johann goes into cardiac arrest. “Haha! Okay, let’s...yeah! Tomorrow morning, for sure! Just-yeah! Yeah, let’s do this! Let’s go-I mean, let’s go after after...yeah, after tomorrow morning. Yeah.”

Gods, he looks so much like a kid on Candlenights that Johann feels himself start to melt. How could he ever say no to a face like that?

 

It hits Johann that he has a rough day ahead of him the moment he wakes up.

First, the corners of his eyes are all crusty and no matter how many times he blinks his eyelids, they still keep trying to close. Whenever he does manage to keep his eyes open for more than a few seconds, they water and start to sting.

Second, there is a tight lump in his throat that swells up without warning before subsiding. Breathing hurts and the feeling of being on the brink of crying is exhaustion, even though according to his alarm clock he’s been asleep for over fourteen hours.

Which means, third, he is ridiculously late for work.

Fourth, his knees ache like crazy and he hasn’t even had that much exercise this week. Walking the same distance around the moon base shouldn’t qualify for the pulsing soreness in his joints. Pulling them away from his chest may ease some of the pain but Johann doesn’t bother to move a muscle.

Because the fifth reason is that there’s an overwhelming numbness in his mind and inside his chest and there isn’t an ounce of energy within him and any strength he might have had to climb out of bed and get ready for the day is completely gone and-

Well, it’s just one of those days.

The realization dawns on Johann but quickly slips away from him. There is really nothing else he can do now. It’s not like this is the first time everything around him seems to disappear and dissolve into a worthless wisp of smoke. It’s not the first day he’s been caught in a trace that makes him feel everything and nothing all at the same time.

But it’s not like he doesn’t hear the grumbling in his stomach or the fullness of his bladder. It’s not like he doesn’t realize how his fellow employees are probably freaking out over what information they are supposed to feed the Voidfish now or that he may receive a referral for not showing up to do his job. He knows and recognizes all of these facts, but there’s not an ounce of vigor within him.

There is so much he’ll have to deal with later but he can’t bring himself to care because thinking of it only makes him feel worse and not thinking of it also makes him feel worse so there is no winning side of this Johann just feels bad-no he feels _awful_ and there’s nothing he can do about it and his mind is still and also rummaging through a thousand thoughts at once and it hurts-

Then he remembers Avi. And how they are supposed to go planet side today. And how he is supposed to come get Johann to tell him where they’re going. And he’s already supposed to be packed and ready to go but he’s still in bed and the day is almost over how. And how he has let Avi down. Avi, he _light of his life Avi_ . _Avi_ . But all it does to think about it is make him feel guilty and the guilt doesn’t substitute or even mask the numbness. It all just blends together and it’s overpowering and Johann feels all of it but he doesn’t at the same time and he takes it all in because he doesn’t have a choice and he wants to feel better but there isn’t a bit of him left of fight for his wellness and _and-_

And suddenly someone is knocking on the door to his room. “Johann? Johann are you okay? Are you in there?”

 _Fuck_ , Johann squeezes his eyes shut and bites his lip because that’s _Avi_ knocking on his door. That’s _Avi_ wondering where he is. That’s _Avi_ wondering if he’s _okay_ -

The lock on the handle clicks and the hinges on the door squeak in unison to Avi’s voice. “I-I’m coming in, okay?” Then Johann remembers that _of course_ he gave him a key and _of course_ he’s using it now because Johann has just been gone for nearly the entire day at this point so _of course_ this situation requires this and the shame is growing stronger and stronger and _stronger_ -

Johann barely registers the soft footsteps paddling around his room have stopped until a hand is placed on his shoulder. “Johann?”

It’s Avi. Oh gods _of course_ it’s Avi. Who else was he expecting? It’s Avi and he’s right in front of him and he’s going to want to know _why_ Johann hasn’t gotten out of bed yet and _why_ he’s late for their little adventure and _it hurts_ and he feels so disgraceful just for _existing_ because he’s messed everything up and yet he can’t bring himself to fix any of his mistakes and that only makes him feel _worse_ and he just keeps thinking about how horrible he is how _bad_ of a person he is and and _and and and_ -

“Johann, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Avi’s voice is so soft, so reassuring, and Johann just flat out doesn’t deserve anyone as amazing as him so how in the world did they even become a thing-?

“Hey...c-can you look at me? Please?”

Johann only groans because he’s not sure he can-no, he knows he can’t because he’s not brave enough to-

Avi gently rubs his hand up and down Johann’s arm, then moves down to his back. It’s such a small gesture and yet Johann’s brain manages to simmer down. Finally he can breathe. The lump in his throat goes away and before he knows it, his eyes are open and his mouth is open.”

“’m sorry…”

Avi’s eyebrows knit together. “Sorry? W-what are you sorry for?”

Johann swallows, diverting his eyes to look anywhere than at the man in front of him. “I’m...I’m not feeling well. Just go without me today. You deserve to go have fun.”

“Not feeling well? A-are you sick?”

“Not in the traditional sense...just-...just go without me. I’m sorry…”

He expects Avi to stand up and go. After all, he’s earned the right to take a break from work. The fact that he looks like a walking skeleton is evident of that. His job is slowly killing him. This vacation is supposed to help him relax and recuperate after going through such a hellish schedule.

Avi does stand up, but ends up sitting down on the edge of Johann’s bed. “Do you wanna talk about anything? I-Is there something I can do?”

Johann closes his eyes again because _oh gods_ Avi wants to help and there’s nothing he can do for him and he’s not sure if he has the heart to tell him-no, _he doesn’t_ have the heart to tell him there’s nothing he can do to help him-

But Avi starts rubbing circles into his back again and the world slows down just enough for him to breathe again. “No...please, just...go without me. You’ll have a lot more fun without me anyway...”

Avi’s hand freezes. “N-no I won’t. Why..? Don’t say that.”

“‘s true-”

“No, Johann, stop, _please_ . That’s not true. I...I _love you_ . I love hanging out with you _-being_ with you. Don’t ever say that.”

Johann pushes his head into the mattress below him. “You don’t want me there...wherever there is. I’m not gonna be that enjoyable around…’m always killin’ the mood-”

“No, you _don’t_ ,” Avi insists. “Johann, you don’t. _I swear_.”

“Then you’re lying.”

Avi’s hand falls off of Johann’s back. “N-n-no, I-I’m not. Johann, really I’m not... _not lying!_ W-why would you think I am?”

Johann curls his hands tightly around his bed sheets. “Because you’re the type of person who tries to cover up the truth-who pities people like _me_ . The nice kind of person I’ve met so many times on the road, in _this base_. There are so many people like you-”

“Johann-”

“Who think that just talking about your feelings will make everything okay in the end-”

“Johann, _please_ -”

“But it never works. It’s never enough, okay? That just-it’ll never work-”

“Please, Johann, just _stop-!_ ”

“Nothing you will ever do can help, alright?!”

Then it’s silent. Too silent. Johann’s words send shockwaves through the dorm room that leave them both speechless. Ten seconds pass by, then twenty, thirty, a minute. When the minute starts to drag on, that’s when Johann finally decides he needs to move. He musters whatever he can and simply looks over to the edge of his bed. He looks and his heart just _stops_ because Avi’s eyes are shiny and his lips are trembling and then _oh gods_ Avi starts crying- _Avi starts crying_ , right there without any warning and his shoulders slump forward and he completely curls in on himself and he’s trembling and Johann is _scared_ . Johann is scared out of his _goddamn mind_.

“Oh...oh fuck, Avi I’m-! _Oh god_ s, Avi, I’m s-so sorry. Avi? Avi, please don’t-just…”Johann uncurls his hands and reaches out to Avi but quickly pulls away because what if he makes this worse than it already is? And Avi doesn’t seem to be responding. He’s just crying-no, he’s _sobbing_ now and Johann has only ever seen Avi smiling and and _and_ -

And Johann finally decides that his insecurities have had enough. He takes a deep breath and leans forward just enough to place his hands on Avi’s shoulders. “Avi, it’s okay, I’m here. I’m sorry but I’m here now and I’ll listen, _okay?_ I’m right here. I’m _so sorry_.”

Not even a moment later, Avi has his arms wrapped tightly around Johann’s waist and is burying his head into his chest. He’s holding onto him as a lifeline and Johann does everything he can to be strong for him. It still hurts, and he still hurts, but right now he pushes his way out of the bleak void that was consuming him and stays put in reality. His thoughts are so much clearer now, even if they all consist of the same terrified panic coursing through his veins.

Avi sobs until his breath is raspy and his limbs are shaking around Johann’s waist. His hands are gripping Johann’s pajamas so tightly he could rip them but like hell Johann is going to say something. The only thing he is going to do is sit on his bed and cradle the man he loves until he calms down enough to finally take a breath without shuddering.

“I’m sorry,” Avi finally mumbles, his voice muffled against Johann’s shirt.

“No...Avi, we can’t both be sorry. No, Av, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s okay.”

“No, you’re right.” Avi releases his grip on Johann and tries to pull away but Johann grabs onto his sleeves and pulls him closer. “I...I-I can’t do anything to help you. I’m _useless-_ ”

“N-no no no no no! Avi, you’re _not useless_ -”

“You don’t understand! I really _can’t_ help you. I-I never could! Not for you, not for...not for…” New tears begin to form in the corners of his eyes and Johann pulls him even closer, to the point that Avi’s leaning against him again.

“I-It’s okay, it’s okay Avi, just breathe. You’re okay, you’re just fine.” The whispers of encouragement seem to have no effect on Avi and Johann tries desperately not to start crying himself. He has no idea what he is supposed to do. He never had the mother that would hold in in her arms whenever he was too afraid to get out of bed in the morning. He never had the grandparents that loved and supported him through all of his struggles. No, all he ever had and all he has now, is himself.

And then Johann remembers the broken man crumbling in his arms.

“Do you...do _you_ wanna talk about anything?” he asks hesitantly, praying his words aren’t taken as harsh.

Avi shakes his head against Johann’s chest, but then he lifts his head back up. “Will it help? Does it really do nothing, Johann? Please tell me. Please tell me if I was wasting my time or not.”

“Av...Avi, I don’t understand what you mean. It can, sometimes...b-but, I mean, it doesn’t cure it. It can help, though. Sometimes...Just say anything you need to, Av.”

Avi looks at him deeply, his hands nervously fumbling with the cuffs of his sleeves. “I...I-” He cuts himself off with a sigh. “Please don’t ...I’m trying so hard-I tried so hard-just...Okay, let me...I’m explain. M-my brother-well, one of them...he...he had these days where he would act s-sorta like you...no he was the same way. B-but the older he got...he only got worse. And I tried so hard to be there for him because, y’know, I was the middle child and he was the second, but I looked up to him so much. A-And I knew he loved me so...s-s-so maybe I could help him get better if I was always just... _there for him_ , right? B-but...but...he never _did_ …”

He starts crying again and this time Johann knows there is no amount of praying that can prevent it this time. Slowly, he wraps his arms around Avi’s back and starts rubbing circles into his back.

“I just,” Avi croaks. “I just don’t wanna _lose_ anyone that way again. I can’t s-see it happen to you to. _Please, Johann_ ...I’m sorry if I can’t help but please _don’t go_ -”

“I’m not going anywhere, Av,” Johann stops him. “I’m-...Avi, I promise you I’m gonna stay right here.”

Avi sniffs loudly. “C-can you promise that?”

“Fuck anyone that says I can’t. I...I won’t do that to you, not again, okay?”

There isn’t a reply from Avi for a long, delicate moment. Then he finally leans off of Johann and wipes away at his face with his sleeve. “Okay.”

His voice is so shaky, so quiet, but Johann nods anyway. “Okay. S-so...I better get ready if we’re going somewhere…?”

Avi’s head droops down as he leans forward again for the third time. “I don’t feel like going right now.”

“O-okay. W-What do you wanna do then?”

“‘m tired…”

Johann purses his lips into a thin smile. “Yeah, me too. Here, let me get up real quick.”

Avi jolts and looks up in a hurry. “W-Where are you going?”

“I gotta pee, dude. Just hold on for a sec and I’ll be right back, okay?” Carefully, Johann untangles himself from his bed sheets and Avi’s limbs. The floor underneath his feet is way too cold for his liking but at least his stiff knees get a little more fluid as he paces around. He’s in and out of the tiny bathroom adjacent to his room in less than a minute.

He climbs back into his bed and pats and tenderly reaches a hand out fo Avi. “C’mere.”

Avi takes his hand and doesn’t resist as Johann pulls him down beside him. Johann makes sure to cover him up with his confider as much as he can, even if he has to wash it later. He tucks one arm underneath Avi’s neck and the other one around his waist.

“This okay?” he asks softly.

Johann takes Avi tucking his face into the crook of his neck as a yes. He feels a pair of lips press into his collar bone. “Love you…”

“I love you, too,” Johann echos without any doubt in his voice. Which is a rarity. Thankfully, the frog in his throat is away on leave.

Gradually, Avi’s breathing slows down to a snail's pace and he’s fast asleep. Johann stays awake long enough to make sure he has calmed down before falling asleep himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Me: *gives Avi a pretty chill backstory in Moon Base Mixtape*  
> Me a few weeks later: Nah, let's wreck that boy's sHOP
> 
> But like, no joke, days like Johann's suck
> 
> tumblr: cinnamonrollsenpai


End file.
